A Meek Confrontation....Revive Our Hearts

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I can't tell you how much this series has been a blessing to me.  There are still 3 more installments that I haven't gotten to yet, but I am sure they will be just as convicting as these previous ones.

Here is the link to listen to the broadcast: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10249

A Meek Confrontation

 

Series: The Beauty of Meekness

Thursday, June 25 2009

Leslie Basham: Here’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Psalm 85 says that in Christ mercy and truth are met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Christ is the one who perfectly embodies both grace and truth.

Leslie Basham: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Thursday, June 25.

Is it possible to be meek and to confront someone about sin in their life? Nancy will explore that in the series, The Beauty of Meekness.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I heard about a support group for submissive people that is called DOORMATS. That stands for “Dependent Organization of Really Meek and Timid Souls—if there are no objections. Their motto was: “The meek shall inherit the earth—if that’s okay with everybody.” And their symbol was the yellow traffic light.¹

Well, I don’t need to tell you that that is an unhealthy, unbiblical perversion of meekness. And yet, I think it’s one that people commonly have when we talk about meekness. They think of weakness as being timid, being spineless. They think of meekness as being equal to weakness.

Now, in the last session we talked about how to respond when people are angry toward us. We said sometimes you need to say nothing. We said when you do speak, you need to speak with a soft answer. And that’s the emphasis we’ve placed.

But I want us to realize in this session that:

• Meekness does not mean that you don’t stand up for truth.
• Meekness does not mean that you don’t speak out against or confront error.
• Meekness does not mean that you passively stand by and let evil triumph.

This is where we need the whole counsel of God.

There’s no way I can get the whole counsel of God into any 25-minute program that we have. So we try to balance out this teaching from day to day. There are situations biblically—and we’re going to look at some of them today—where courage and boldness are needed, where confrontation is needed. But when we do that, we have to always do it with a spirit of meekness, a spirit of humility, a spirit of gentleness.

I want to talk about several of those situations today where boldness is needed and talk about how we do that with a spirit of meekness. The first is in the matter of admonishing a brother or sister in Christ who has sinned.

The Scripture says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6). You’re not a friend if you don’t speak the truth. If somebody is playing with fire, if they’re making choices in their lives that are foolish choices, that are sinful choices, you’re not being a friend. You’re not being faithful to the Lord if you don’t address that situation.

You can actually become an enabler of sin in other people’s lives. But as we admonish, rebuke, reprove those who are sinning, we need to do it in a spirit of meekness and humility.

The verse that puts all that together in one verse is, of course, Galatians chapter 6, verse 1.

If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep a watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

A spirit of meekness, a spirit of humility.

You are to restore him. That means you are to bring it to his attention. You need to face it. You need to help him face it. But you do it in a way that is meek and gentle. And part of the evidence of humility is that you’re watching your own life to make sure that you don’t have a log in your eye while you’re pointing out the speck in someone else’s eye.

I’ve been quoting extensively throughout this series from a book by one of the Puritans, Puritan commentator Matthew Henry, written over 300 years ago called, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. In this series I’m actually teaching through this book but trying to put it in a way that’s a little easier for us to understand, because some of the language is a little bit challenging. But in this book Matthew Henry says,

The three qualifications of a good surgeon are required in a reprover: [s]he should have an eagle’s eye, a lion’s heart, and a lady’s hand; in short, he should be endued with wisdom, and courage, and meekness. Though sometimes it is needful to reprove with earnestness.

Think about your children. There are times when you need to look them in the eye and earnestly reprove them.

“Yet we must never reprove with wrath, for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20).

Now, this is a razor-thin balance in life. It’s a tough balance. It’s the truth with love. Matthew Henry says,

We must treat those who are overtaken in a fault with the same tenderness and compassion that we would wish to find if it were our own case.

How do we want people confronting us? We want them doing it kindly, lovingly, gently. We don’t want them manhandling us or beating us over the head with it. We want them to be gentle and kind and patient and compassionate when they confront us.

Well, we need to reprove others with the same spirit with which we would want to be reproved. That means:

• We don’t attack.
• We assume the best.
• We come with a gentle spirit, a humble spirit.

I’ve heard it said over the years that if you ask a question, it convicts the conscience, but if you send somebody an accusation, it will harden the will. So you don’t do it with an accusatory spirit. That’s just going to stiffen them, harden their will.

So you ask a question. “I may be a million miles off,” a friend used to say. He’s now with the Lord. But he used to say, “I may be a million miles off, but is it possible that . . .?” And then he would ask a question about something he’d observed in my life.

And you know, he was almost always right. But if he would say it, as he said it with the spirit of meekness and humility, that made it easier to receive.

Now, that’s particularly important when we’re called upon to speak the truth about an issue or a sin in the life of an authority, a husband, a parent, a boss, maybe a pastor or an elder, an older person. We’re told to speak to them with respect and meekness.

I think of 1 Timothy chapter 5, verse 1: “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father.” That doesn’t say you never point out a sin. It just talks about the manner and the spirit in which you do it.

I found myself in the last week or so feeling impressed of the Lord to write a letter to someone that I greatly respect, an older person, a man, an elder, who I had in my heart a question about a course of action that had been taken. I prayed about it. I waited.

I didn’t just come and blurt this out quickly because a lot of times we think we know exactly what’s right and we don’t stop and think, “Is this really something God wants me to say in this situation? But the Lord wouldn’t let me go about it.

I spent a long time constructing a letter, editing, re-editing, re-re-editing, wanting to make sure that the tone, the spirit was humble, that it was gentle, that it was gracious, that I was not tackling or attacking this person. And I just went through and looked at each word carefully. Could this come across as an attack? Could this put this person on the defensive?

Now, I wasn’t scared of the person. It wasn’t being cowardly. It was just trying to be compassionate and tender and gentle and humble and meek in my approach. It was neat to see that person come back and say, “Thank you for sharing this, but thank you for the spirit in which you shared it.”

And that person said, “I’m going to take this to the Lord and ask Him if there’s something here that I need to confess, that I need to deal with.”

So the response was a humble response. A lot of times we don’t get a humble response because we do things in an attack mode rather than in a spirit of gentleness and meekness. So when we’re admonishing a brother or sister in Christ we have to do it but in a spirit of meekness.

Now let me just give you a little rabbit trail here, a parenthesis, a side note not about giving reproof to others, but about receiving reproof and correction from others. It’s also very important that we do that in a spirit of meekness.

If we are meek, we will receive correction, criticism, reproof, and admonition. We will receive it quietly as my friend did in response to that letter. We will receive it humbly and gratefully.

I tell our staff when we receive critical letters in the mail, which we do from time to time. Some of them are in a sweet spirit and some of them are not in a sweet spirit. But I say, “Always, always, always thank them for writing us.”

The rebuke, the confrontation may not be given in the wisest way. It may be exaggerated. We may be even totally innocent of the thing for which we’re being criticized or reproved.

I’m thinking of an incident that took place many years ago where a person who was a leader in my life came to me and said some very strong things, pointed out some issues in my life, and had a whole list. I mean it was a litany. This was a person that I respected, I looked up to; it was an authority in our ministry. But this person said some very strong things and with a harsh spirit.

And I did not react with a spirit of meekness. I was hurt. I was devastated. I just played this in my mind over and over and over again.

And my inner reaction—I don’t know that this ever came out toward that person—but my heart reaction was anger. It was defensiveness. It was pride. I felt rejected. I resented the person for a long, long time. Many, many months, a year and a half to one extent or another, I mulled this over in my mind and held this against this person.

As God began to work in my heart in that area, I came to see that there was some more than a kernel of truth in what had been said. Now, there were circumstances that looking back I can see why this person in that situation came across more harshly. I’ve long since forgiven this situation and the person.

But I had just said, “None of it’s true.” I had maintained that position for months. But once my heart was humble, I could see that there was some truth in this.

What had happened? I had reacted to the overstatement and to the exaggeration, and I had missed the truth in it that God wanted me to see, that I needed to see, just because of reacting to the manner in which it was given.

So respond in humility. It may be overstated. It may be exaggerated. It may not even be true. But God may use something that’s said that’s critical and ugly and untrue to help you see something in your heart that is true, to help you develop a spirit of meekness. You can never go wrong on the pathway of humility.

So back to situations where we do need to confront, we need to have courage and boldness, but we do it in a spirit of meekness. First is admonishing a brother or sister who is sinning.

A second area is correcting those who oppose the truth. There is a time to rebuke, to expose, to oppose sin and false doctrine. We know that Jesus was meek and humble, but He confronted the Pharisees. He did it in a very straight forward, direct way.

But He didn’t do it out of self-defense or self-promotion. He didn’t do it out of sinful anger. It was the righteousness of God in Him that was wanting to defend the glory and the truth of God.

We’ve talked about how the Scripture says Moses was the most meek or humble man on the face of the earth. And yet you see him standing up to Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, and saying, “You have got to get out of God’s way. You’re wrong.”

We see Moses becoming angry at the sin of God’s people at the incident of the golden calf and rebuking them for their idolatry. He calls for disciplinary action. And yet, this is the action of a meek man.

Now there was another situation in Moses’ life, you remember, where he allowed righteous anger to burn into ungodly anger. Those who oppose the truth, often we do that with unrighteous anger.

Remember how Moses late in his life just before the Children of Israel came to the Promised Land, Numbers chapter 20, there was no water. The people murmured as they had many times before. And God said to Moses, “Speak to the rock and it will bring out water” (see Numbers 20:8).

And in a fit of anger and impatience, Moses struck the rock twice rather than speaking to it. This was not meekness. Moses was not humble at that point. The wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.

Second Timothy 2 talks to those who need to confront, those who oppose the truth. It tells us the spirit in which we should do it. It says,

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach (verses 23-25).

By the way, the greatest weapon against doctrinal error is to teach the truth. The light is what exposes and dispels the darkness.

So “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with [meekness, with] gentleness.”

And what’s the goal? God may perhaps grant them repentance, leading to a knowledge of the truth. The point isn’t to just attack them. The point is to see them come to repentance.

We’re not only to confront those who are the opponents of the truth. We are to warn believers about false teachers, about false doctrine.

If you read the book of 2 Peter, if you read the book of Jude, it’s clear that these false teachers in their teaching, that Christians need to be warned against them. And Peter and Jude used some very strong language in describing these false teachers, but they’re doing it in a spirit of humility and meekness. They’re saying, nonetheless, this cannot be tolerated in the church.

In Revelation chapter 2 Jesus Himself says to the church,

I have this against you that you tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess and is teaching and seducing my servants to practice sexual immorality and to eat food sacrificed to idols (verse 20-21).

Jesus said, “The fact that you tolerate her in the church, this woman who is bringing false teaching, is wrong. You can’t tolerate it. You must be meek, but you cannot tolerate false doctrine.”

And then Jesus says—and here’s where you see His spirit of meekness—“I gave her time to repent.” I gave her time to repent.

Now He goes on to say, “She refuses to repent of her sexual immorality." Therefore I will judge her. In the end God will judge those who refuse to repent. But the heart of Christ is you expose it, you deal with it, you confront it, and yet you give time for repentance.

That’s always the heart desire when we’re confronting error, when we’re confronting those who oppose the truth. We want for them to repent, and we care about the glory of God and the church, and we care about believers being complete and protected in Christ. That’s the heart motive of humility.

Now here’s another situation where we need to have a spirit of meekness and that’s when we are defending our faith with those who are unbelievers, defending our faith with unbelievers.

First Peter chapter 3 beginning in verse 15:

In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect (verses 15-16).

• Make the defense, defend your faith.
• Explain why God’s Word is truth and error is error.
• Give a reason. Give an explanation.
• Give an apologetic; that’s the defending of the faith. But do it with gentleness and respect.

If you go out and ask people on the street what they think about Christians today, you’ll hear a lot of people say that Christians are argumentative, that they’re contentious, that they have an unkind or a harsh spirit. And if you go on the Internet and you look up some of the different debates that are going on about theology and doctrinal issues and spiritual matters, you will see a lot of people, a lot of so-called Christians doing this with a spirit that is not meek and gentle.

And that does not accomplish the righteousness of God. Christians should not be known as being argumentative and contentious in their spirit.

Now that doesn’t mean we don’t speak up. It doesn’t mean we just let people who are promoting false religions do their thing and say their thing. That’s cowardly. We need to be bold and confident in defending our faith but always doing it with gentleness and respect.

The same thing holds true for dealing with cultural or social justice issues that need to be addressed in our society. There are things going on that attack God’s name and His glory and His ways, and that should bother us. We need to be willing to address those things.

I think about the abortion issue. In Proverbs 24 it says, “Rescue those who are being taken away to death. Hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter” (verse 11). We need to roll up our sleeves and get engaged in these issues as God directs us, but we need to do it with grace, with grace.

I’ll be the first to say it’s often hard to know where that line is. But that needs to be the goal: without attacking, without venting, without coming across as arrogant or pride or know it all.

The call here is for balance—a balance of grace and truth. Now some of us tend more toward heavy on the truth, so we need God to balance us with grace. Some tend to be more heavy on the grace, and you may need God to balance you with truth.

Of course, that’s only perfectly fulfilled in Christ. Psalm 85 says that in Christ mercy and truth are met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed each other. Christ is the one who perfectly embodies both grace and truth (see verse 10).

I love that passage in Psalm 45. You see this balance in this Old Testament picture of Christ. It says,

You are fairer than the sons of men. [This is a Messianic psalm speaking of Christ.] Grace is poured upon Your lips; therefore God has blessed You forever.

Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One, in Your splendor and Your majesty! [Grace is on Your lips. Gird Your sword on Your thigh.] And in Your majesty ride on victoriously, for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness” (verses 2-4, NASB).

It reminds me of that picture in Revelation 19 of the man coming on the white horse. His name is "Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war" (verse 11). He is full of grace and He is full of truth. He is full of mercy, and yet He righteously wages war against sin.

In Christ we see better than anywhere else in the Scripture the power of meekness. Meekness is not weakness. Meekness is the power of God under control being released in and through our lives. You see that in the book of Revelation chapter 5 where you see this two-fold picture of Christ.

You remember how there was this book with seven seals and no one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was able to open the seals? And John says, “I wept loudly because no one was worthy to do this. No one had the power to open these seals” (see verse 4). And then one of the elders said to him,

Weep no more; behold the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals (verse 5).

So you see Aslan, the picture of Christ, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, the conquering King.

And then John looks, next verse,

Between the throne and the four living creatures and among the elders I saw [what did he see?] a Lamb standing as though it had been slain (verse 6).

Who is the Lamb? The Lamb is the Lion. Who is the Lion? The Lion is the Lamb. Who is the Lion and the Lamb? It’s Christ full of grace and truth.

And He went [the Lamb] and took the scroll from the right hand of him who was seated on the throne. And when He had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb . . . and they sang a new song saying, “Worthy are you to take the scroll and to open its seals” (verses 7-9).

No one else could do it. You wouldn’t expect a lamb to be able to conquer. But it’s the Lamb who does conquer. How does He do it? “For you were slain.”

The meek, humble, sinless Son of God goes to the cross and takes on Himself all the wrath of a holy God against all the sin of all people who’ve ever lived.

You were slain, and by your blood [by your meekness, by your humility, by the sacrifice of your life, by your blood] you ransomed people for God from every tribe and language and people and nation, and you have made them a kingdom and priest to our God, and they shall reign on the earth (verses 9-10).

The cross—it’s the supreme act of meekness. And yet it’s the most powerful act in the history of the universe. It’s through the cross that captives have been set free, that sinners have been ransomed. The Lamb was slain and He will reign forever and ever.

Leslie Basham: Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been showing us the balance between strength and meekness. It’s possible to display both through God’s power. Today’s program is part of a series called, The Beauty of Meekness.

Throughout these programs Nancy’s been quoting from Matthew Henry, a Puritan writer who had a powerful grasp of meekness. He’s able to share these ideas in some profound ways, and I hope you’ll read the book.

We’ll send you a copy when you make a donation of any amount to Revive Our Hearts. His book is called, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. You won’t just read profound ideas in these pages; you’ll make some profound changes to your life. We’ll also include a pamphlet Nancy wrote called, "Cultivating the Garden of Your Heart." Discover a greater sense of quietness and peace by reading these words.

Call with your donation of any amount and ask for The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit and "Cultivating the Garden of Your Heart." Our number is 1-800-569-5959. You can also find this offer at ReviveOurHearts.com.

Well, we’ve explored meekness over several sessions. Tomorrow we’ll specifically look at how meekness applies to us as women in the 21st century. Please be back tomorrow for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

All Scripture is taken from the English Standard Version unless otherwise noted.

Be clothed in Meekness....Revive Our Hearts....

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This is the transcript from June 24th and you can listen to the broadcast here: 

http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10248

Be Clothed in Meekness

 

Series: The Beauty of Meekness

Wednesday, June 24 2009

Leslie Basham: When you have a meek spirit, it comes out in practical ways. Here’s Nancy Leigh DeMoss with an example.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Email can be a place where we really demonstrate a lack of meekness.We need to learn to wait to press send until you’ve stopped and thought, “Is this really what God wants me to say?”

Leslie: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Wednesday, June 24.

Do you find it difficult to be quiet, being able to pause, refusing to defend yourself when someone is angry? These are marks of meekness that God can develop in your life. Let’s join Nancy in the series, The Beauty of Meekness.

Nancy: After our last recording day (we did the first several sessions in this series on meekness), a couple of my friends and I were having dinner together that night. One of the women who had been in the session turned to me and said, “Those sessions on meekness were way too convicting.”

I looked at her and I said sincerely, “What particular points did you find especially convicting?”

She looked at me and said, “Every word that came out of your mouth! All those lists of examples of ways that we respond when we’re not meek.” She said, “I don’t think there’s a circumstance in my life where my initial response is to respond in meekness.”

This is a woman that if you’d have asked me, I would not have thought that about her. She looks to me to be like a woman who is great in meekness. But in her heart, God was showing her, “Your heart responses initially are not ones of meekness.”

She said, “It might help if you let the ladies know when you come back to this subject that meekness is not something that happens overnight in your heart, that there is a process of sanctification. God takes us where we are and by the power of His Spirit, conforms and molds and shapes us."

So I’m here to tell you that there is a process involved, and I certainly know that out of my own life, and I’m thankful to my friend for reminding me of that.

I’ve been referring multiple times throughout this series to a book that I’m hoping you’re going to pick up by Matthew Henry called, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit, written over three hundred years ago.

Some of the language is a little bit quaint or archaic. That’s why as I’m quoting him throughout this series, I’m taking a little bit of liberty to make the language more contemporary. It’s not a long book, but you can’t read it quickly. The quotes that I’ve highlighted in there continue to work in me and through me. So that book is available through our resource center, and I hope that you’ll get a copy of it.

In the last session we talked about how Matthew Henry says that meekness enables us to govern and control our anger when we’ve been provoked, when others do things that irritate or annoy us.

I heard years ago an illustration about George Whitefield, who was the 18th century British revivalist, greatly used of God. At one point in his ministry, Whitfield received a vicious letter, accusing him of wrongdoing.

George Whitefield’s reply demonstrated a spirit of meekness. He said, “I thank you heartily for your letter.” This is his written response.

As for what you and my other enemies are saying against me, I know worse things about myself than you will ever say about me.

With love in Christ,
George Whitefield.

I thought, that’s a spirit of meekness. He didn’t try to defend himself. He didn’t retaliate. He said, “Look, if you knew what is really true about me, you would have written an even longer list.” That’s a spirit of meekness. So meekness enables us to govern or control our anger when we’re provoked.

But meekness, according to Matthew Henry, also enables us to patiently bear the anger of others toward us. That’s what I want to focus on today—when others are angry toward us, how do we respond?

Matthew Henry suggested there are two biblical responses. The first is sometimes the right response, the meek response, that is to say nothing. Sometimes meekness requires us to be silent. Proverbs 26:4 tells us “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.”

You can think of times, as can I, in relationships—perhaps in your marriage or with your children or with co-workers, with a friend—where somebody says something. They’re angry towards you; they’re put out at you. Your response naturally is to match their tone—right?—getting hot under the collar.

Remember we said that meekness is not getting steamed, it’s not getting hot. Sometimes the way to handle that is just to say nothing.

Last year we did a series on the life of Miriam, Moses’ sister. Remember that passage we talked about in Numbers chapter 12? In case you don’t remember it, I’m going to read it to you.

Numbers chapter 12 is where Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses. The Scripture says, “Moses [who was God’s ordained leader] because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman.” They didn’t like his wife. They didn’t approve of his choice of a wife, and they were upset about this.

"And so they said, 'Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?' And the Lord heard it" (verses 1-2).

So here you have Miriam and Aaron. They should be Moses’ biggest cheerleaders. They should be Moses’ biggest asset and help. But instead, just like the rest of the Israelites, they’re criticizing, griping, complaining. They’re angry at Moses.

So they come against him, and they attack him. They attack him to others. They attack him directly. And then verse 3 tells us, “The man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth.”

So here is Miriam, being hostile, being angry, but meekness is what characterizes Moses in his response. You say, “How was this meekness demonstrated in that situation?”

Well, if you read through that account in Numbers chapter 12, you’ll find that Moses said nothing. He didn’t respond. He was silent. In fact, the only thing Moses says in that passage is at the end when he prays for his sister once God strikes her with leprosy.

He lets God deal with her. He doesn’t respond with anger toward her anger and her critical spirit. He doesn’t defend himself. He doesn’t speak at all except to pray for her. That is a powerful illustration of meekness.

There’s no greater illustration of meekness, being quiet, silent, under the attacks of others, than we have in Jesus Christ Himself. Remember that passage in Isaiah 53? It says,

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he opened not his mouth (verse 7).

There is a time when meekness directs us to be quiet, to say nothing. Now, we’ll see in the rest of this series there are times when meekness directs us that we must say something. There are times when the pathway of meekness is just to shut up, to say nothing, to be silent, to be still, to let God come to our defense and not to defend ourselves.

Let me read to you a few quotes from Matthew Henry’s book, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. When it comes to this matter of being silent when others are angry toward us. He said,

It’s better to say nothing than say that which is provoking. When our hearts are hot within us, it is good for us to keep silence and hold our peace. Those who find themselves wronged think they may have permission to speak, but it is better to be silent than to speak amiss and make work for repentance.

In other words, better to not say anything than to say something that you’re going to have to go back and ask forgiveness for from God and from the person that you spoke it to.

He said,

We have often been the worse for our speaking, but seldom the worse for our silence.

Here’s another quote. He says,

There is nothing said or done in passion but it may be better said and better done afterwards.

In other words, if you’re going to speak, don’t speak while you’re angry. This relates to disciplining your children, by the way. Now, you may have to say something right at the moment because the situation may require it. But if possible, better to wait to speak until you can deal with your own internal anger, because Scripture says, “The rod of your anger will fail” (Proverbs 22:8, NKJV).

Then here’s a quote that is so powerful. He said,

It is better by silence to yield to our brother, who is, or has been, or may be, our friend, than by angry speaking to yield to the devil, who has been, and is, and ever will, be our sworn enemy.

So sometimes the right and meek response to the anger of others is to say nothing.

Then at other times, the right response is when we do speak. Meekness directs us to give a soft answer—sometimes to say nothing—but when and if we do speak, to give a soft answer.

While I was working on this series, I received an . . . As I’ve told you, often times over the last several weeks as I’ve been working on this series, I’ve found myself being provoked. I don’t know if I’m just noticing it more or if it’s just happening more, if God is just creating circumstances for me to practice what I’m preaching here.

But one particular day while I was working on this series, I got an email from a friend who was upset, she was angry. The tone of the email—you know, email can have a tone—the tone was accusatory. It really, in my view, was an unfair attack. It was like, "Where did this come from?" It just so caught me off guard.

But I was studying on this subject, and I was able to measure and think about my response. Now, my natural impulse, just like yours, if you’re honest—my natural impulse in that circumstance was to shoot back an email. And how quick and easy it is—too easy—to press send.

Email can be a place where we really demonstrate a lack of meekness. We need to learn to wait to press "send" until you’ve stopped and thought, "Is this really what God wants me to say?"

My natural impulse was to defend myself, to attack back, to show her shortcomings. But the response of meekness called for waiting. Don’t respond immediately. Let her cool down. Let me cool down, make sure I’m not responding in anger. I found that when I finally did respond—and in that case I waited a few days . . .

Under the circumstances, that was the right thing to do. I needed to wait, let the thing simmer down. And when I do respond, I have to make sure I don’t respond in kind, that I respond softly.

Matthew Henry uses a couple word pictures that show what happens when you give soft words in response to anger. He says that when we respond with a soft answer, this pours water on the situation. "While peevishness and provocation would but bring oil to the flame.”

If you speak hastily or in anger, it just makes the things . . . Like pouring lighter fluid on hot coals, it just makes it flare up. Rather, pour water on it. It dampens the heat, the flame.

Then he uses this other word picture. He says, “When the waves of the sea beat on a rock, they batter and make a noise.” You can just hear those waves crashing up on those rocks, making this loud noise. “But a soft sand receives those waves quietly, and returns them without damage.”

You can just see those waves coming up on the shore, but it’s a soft sand, and there’s nothing to beat up against. And so the waves just go back. That’s a picture of what happens when we respond in meekness to angry people.

Ecclesiastes 10:4, “If the anger of the ruler rises against you, do not leave your place, for calmness will lay great offenses to rest.” Don’t get hot and bothered.

Proverbs 25:15, “With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone,” with softness, with kindness, with patience.

And of course, we’ve referred to James 1 in the series, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (verses 19-20).

Now, in his book that we’ve been talking about on meekness and quietness of spirit, Matthew Henry talks about the evidence of a lack of meekness and how it shows itself in everyday relationships. I want to just mention about three of those, so that as we’re letting God search our own hearts and letting Him show us—“Do we have a meek spirit?”—here’s something that will help us to see that.

First of all, as it relates to those who are under us—this may be if we are parents or teachers or employers and we have people that are reporting to us or people we are leading, people who are under our authority—if we’re not meek, we will tend to be quick to correct them and quick to find fault.

We become more aware of other people’s shortcomings and their deficiencies than we are of the evidences of grace in our lives. Then what happens is that the people that are under us feel that they can never please us. Some of you, your children feel that way.

If we are not meek, we will be quick to correct and quick to find fault with those who are over us. Matthew Henry says,

Surely every little failure need not be censured [or pointed out or corrected]. It should rather be passed by, or if the fault must be reproved and corrected, may it not be done without anger? It does not need noise and clamor. While you are governing others, learn to govern yourself.

A word to parents, teachers, leaders.

And then a lack of meekness shows itself when we get easily vexed toward those who are over us, and we start to vent toward authorities, toward our leaders. This is what Miriam and Aaron did with Moses. They were vexed. They vented. They expressed quickly their hostility, their disagreement with Moses.

Matthew Henry says here,

If everything be not just to their mind [if everything is not just as we think it should be], they are fretting and vexing and their hearts are hot within them, finding fault with everything that is said or done to them.

A quiet spirit would reconcile us to the [position] we’re in and to all the difficulties of it, and would make the best of the present state, though it is attended with many inconveniences.

It is the [lack] of meekness that makes those whom divine Providence has put under the yoke impatient of the yoke.

So when we’re in circumstances where we’re under authority, a lack of meekness will make us quick to vent, quick to be vexed, rather than receiving the circumstance and the situation.

And then generally with our peers, a lack of meekness makes us contentious. Matthew Henry says,

It is for lack of meekness that we are so impatient of contradiction in our opinions, in our desires, in our designs.

It has to be our way, and we’re impatient if things don’t go our way. He says, “We must have our own saying, right or wrong, and everything our own way.” That makes us contentious and hard to live with.

There’s a great illustration of this in Genesis Chapter 13 in the life of Abraham. Do you remember how Abraham went up (he was called Abram at the time) from Egypt, he and his wife and all that he had and Lot, his nephew, with him into the Negeb?

Abram, the Scripture says,

was very rich in livestock, in silver, and in gold, and Lot [who went with Abram], also had flocks and herds and tents, so that the land could not support both of them dwelling together; for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together. [So prosperity created tension between them.]

There was strife between the herdsmen of Abram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock.

There was tension. There was strife between these two groups of men. So what does Abram do? Verse 8:

Then Abram said to Lot, “Let there be no strife between you and me" (verses 1-8).

He says, “I’m not rolling up my sleeves. I’m not putting on my boxing gloves. I’m backing off. I’m not getting engaged in this battle. I’m not going to let there be strife.”

He takes the role of the peacemaker. He takes the position of the meek one. He says,

“Let there be no strife between you and me and between your herdsmen and my herdsmen, for we are kinsmen, we are brothers.”

Isn’t that what we ought to be saying in our homes? in our churches? Why are we splitting up? Why are we having this strife? Why are we having these disagreements?

“We are brothers. I’m not going to let there be strife” And then he puts his money where his mouth is.

"Is not the whole land before you? Separate yourself from me. If you take the left hand, then I will go to the right, or if you take the right hand, then I will go to the left” (verse 9).

What a spirit of humility. What a spirit of meekness. “Look, there’s a whole land here. You pick which part you want, and I’ll take what’s left over.” And you know how Lot did pick the part that looked to be the better part, because Lot didn’t have a meek spirit. Lot was an arrogant, proud man.

And Abram said, “Okay. I’ll take what’s left.” But who got the blessing? Abram got the promises of God, the land of God, the line of God bringing the Messiah through him.

Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 6 that it’s an awful thing that Christians would go to court against each other. That can be divorce court. It can be other kinds of suits. He said, “Should you not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?" (verses 7-8). Why are you going to court? Why are you disputing with one another before the law?

I was talking with a couple who got involved in a business deal where there were all kinds of promises and things that fell through, did not come through. It would have been perfect material for a lawsuit. But these two men were both professing believers.

My friend said he wanted to go; he wanted to sue. There would have been a case for him to sue, to get what had been promised to him. But my friend’s wife said to him wisely, “I don’t feel right about that. It’s not God’s way. It’s not biblical.” And the man took the position of humility, listened to his wife—more importantly, listened to the Lord, and said, “You’re right. We’re not going to sue.”

He lost a ton of money that they could have potentially gained back in this suit. God honors meekness. "Blessed are the meek." Those who take the high road, which is the low road, the pathway of humility, "for they will inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5).

Some of you know that each day on ReviveOurHearts.com we have a transcript of the daily program, and then at the end of the transcript there’s a comment blog where listeners can write down their response to what they’re hearing. I hope that you’ll go on the website and jot down your comments as you hear today’s program.

But not too long ago, there was a woman who wrote on the blog about a difficult, contentious marriage that she was in. Another listener saw that comment and wrote the following comment, which I just think beautifully illustrates the power of meekness. This listener said, “One thing that may help”—she’s writing to the listener in the difficult marriage.

One thing that may help to appease this situation is to just say "I’m sorry." Too often we spew out many words along with it, when just a humble apology without excuse will get things on the right track. With fewer words and more love, find what you can appreciate in your husband and focus on that. He is hurting, which is the reason for his temper and the fighting.

You can’t fix all of that for him. But if you refuse to fight, he will have to calm down eventually. Offer to give him a neck rub when tempers aren’t so hot. Try to get him to relax. He’s probably afraid to for fear of losing control. But he needs to know peace. Pray for him in your heart while you try to ease his tension.

See the pathway of meekness here? “I really believe, she said, “that in most cases the cycle can be broken by one partner.” This is what Abram did with Lot. He broke the cycle by saying, “Look, we’re not going to fight about this. You take what you want.” She said,

Prayerfully listen to his needs and do what you are able. Our marriage is totally different now for well over a year. But that was after sixteen years of fighting. Sure, I thought I was so right in a lot of circumstances, but I had to grow up and see that there is a better way. It took a lot of praying and humility and reading good material that showed me I was wrong in how I was handling things. But it is so worth it.

There is no way to become like Christ apart from suffering. Acts 14:22, "We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God." Many examples could be given, both in the Bible and in biographies, of men and women of God. God refines his jewels through the fires of trials and suffering. I used to shrink from the idea of suffering. Now I am beginning to see the beauty of this tool of the Lord to perfect us like nothing else can.

Through sufferings and difficult people, my heart has been made better by his grace. There is truly a beauty produced through the fire that nothing else can do. I am praying for you. I hope this helps.

Those are good words. Those are wise words. Be clothed in humility. Be clothed in meekness. It will involve fire at times, suffering, difficulty, hardship, difficult people. But it is God’s way of forming and molding and shaping us, bringing gold out of us so that God can be glorified through our lives.

Leslie: If we were all to grow in meekness, can you imagine the joy it would bring to children and spouses everywhere? Nancy Leigh DeMoss is in the middle of a series called, The Beauty of Meekness. Many homes will be transformed as women learn meekness of spirit.

Throughout the series Nancy has been quoting from a book by Matthew Henry called, The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit. Who knew that a writer living 300 years ago would have so much to offer about today’s relationships?

I hope you’ll pick up on all this book has to offer your home and relationships. We’ll send you The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit as a thank you when you make a donation of any amount to the Revive Our Hearts ministry. You’ll also receive a pamphlet called “Cultivating the Garden of Your Heart.”

Nancy wrote this to help you experience more peace in your life. We’ll send you a copy along with extras to pass on to your friends. Ask for The Quest for Meekness and “Cultivating the Garden of your Heart,” when you call with your donation. Here’s the number: 1-800-569-5959, or visit ReviveOurHearts.com to donate online.

Is it possible to confront someone and be meek at the same time? Nancy will address that tomorrow. Please be here for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

All Scripture is taken from the English Standard Version.